Dear Steve and Lynelle,

I moved in with my brother because we are very close. But after eight months, it’s not going so well. We both have significant others, but my boyfriend never comes over unless I am there. His girlfriend, however, is there ALL the time. Being his little sister, I figured — wrongly — that he would respect my sense of privacy and ask her to leave once in awhile. I was even home sick recently and she was there jabbering away in my ear while I had a 102-degree temperature.

She only has a part-time job so she is available to hang out all day. When my brother comes home, he pays for them to go out to eat or go to the movies. This girl is a moocher big time.

I can’t take it. I love my brother, but I don’t like him much right now, and it’s mainly because of his girlfriend. Not only is she annoying, but she does her laundry over at my house, cooks at my house and leaves her stuff everywhere. I don’t want to tell my brother I don’t like her because if they get married or something I don’t want that to be in the back of his mind. I’ve honestly never seen him so happy with someone.

I have said something to my brother but he just says, “It’s my house, too.” It IS his house, too, but it’s NOT hers. It’s too small for two people, so to add a third body just makes it even smaller. What do I do?

Lynelle: No matter how close you are with family, I think starting a business together or moving in together are always two dicey situations to put yourself in. It sounds like you have already expressed your frustrations with your brother, but since you are family, I think he’s taking advantage of that. If this was a friend or random roommate, he might think twice before letting his girlfriend take over the place.

I’m curious to know if you two moving in together was a financial decision or if you thought it was just a good idea. If it is financially feasible, my best advice is to move out as soon as you can. Situations like this can cause major riffs and you never want that to happen in families – especially because you said you were so close before. If you can’t move out, then I would suggest not wasting your breath with your brother and think about talking directly to his girlfriend, but in a nice way. Let her know you value your time at home and would appreciate a phone call before stopping by when your brother is not there. Also, let her know that you would appreciate it if she didn’t leave her personal belongings lying around your house.

As for her being annoying, I don’t know if bringing that up to your brother is wise, especially if you think she might be part of your family one day. Her annoyances might stem from her just being around. If you weren’t living with your brother, she might still be annoying, but it would only be in small doses. Again, my best advice is to look into getting your own place. And if you have to get another roommate, make sure you discuss these situations before deciding to move in.

Steve: Nothing like a good old sibling rivalry to make everyone feel bad. You say you were close to your brother but you can probably remember instances growing up where the two of you mixed like oil and water. It’s only natural.

Living together, however, should require both of you to take each other into consideration before making decisions. You’ve talked to your brother and he doesn’t seem to be in any mood to accommodate you, which he should be. He would expect the same from you if one of your friends was driving him crazy.

It seems like you can see right through this girl where love has blinded your brother. You have to keep this in mind before you get too militant with either of them. As Lynelle said, she might become a member of the family.

I think Lynelle is exactly right when she says go straight to the source. Have a talk with the girl and let her know that you need some quiet time after work or while being sick. If she doesn’t have a key, take to not answering the door when bro is away.

As difficult as it might be, try to maintain a cordial relationship with the girl for your brother’s sake. Of course, there is the ultimate advice: move. If you can swing moving out that might be the best thing.

Steve and Lynelle want to give you advice! They are always looking for good questions to answer, so pass on your drama, dating disasters, relationship woes and any problems that come your way. Write to them at steveandlynelle@heraldbulletin.com or send a letter to them at 1133 Jackson St., Anderson, IN 46016. Too frustrated to write? Call (765) 640-4863. Advice columnists Steve Dick and Lynelle Miller bring unique perspectives to your problems each Tuesday.