Dear Steve and Lynelle, I’ve been dating a girl for about a year, and she’s great. We have a good time when we’re together. My problem arises when we are with a group of friends, like at a party or going out with others. My problem arises when we are with a group of friends, like at a party or going out with others. It’s almost like she ignores me and talks nonstop to everyone else leaving me out in the woods. I mean, I talk, but I’m not nearly as enthusiastic as she is in relating to all these people.

When she does talk to me at gatherings, she’ll stop mid-sentence when someone calls her name and take off. There are times, too, when she’ll tell me that we can’t go out because she’s going out with a group of friends. This is something I wouldn’t do to her. It seems that when someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, they want to be with that person, not to the exclusion of others, but at least first preference. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive about this, but what do you think?

Steve:I’m going to agree with you. If someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend, that person usually comes first. Having said that, women are usually more gregarious than men. They are more friend-oriented.

Of course, I come from a different time. Nowadays men and women do most of their socializing in groups, maybe with the specific purpose of avoiding relationships. Going out in groups has replaced dating, and one-night stands suffice for relationships.

If she’s throwing you over for a group of friends, I can understand why it’s confusing to you. You want to be with her and feel like a second choice.

I’d give this some time. Relationships take a while to build. You might talk to her about it, ask her why she considers herself your girlfriend when others seem to matter more. Maybe it’s because she’s used to being the center of attention in a crowd and seeks that attention.

I’d also say immaturity, which can be at any age, plays a role in this. She’s not emotionally ready for the bond that develops between two people, and hurries back to that pack so she won’t have to face decisions involving the two of you.

If you love her, give her an opportunity to grow. Also, don’t put a lot of pressure on her to put you first. She has to do that on her own. You’ll know sooner or later whether she really wants to be your girlfriend.

Lynelle: It’s true, most girls tend to be social butterflies when it comes to being at events and guys tend to hang back playing it cool. Yes, if you are dating someone — especially for a year — it would seem she would want to spend more time with you than others, but maybe it’s because you have been dating for a year. Don’t they call it the seven-month itch? Maybe you’re at the 12-month itch.

I mean, maybe one of the reasons she’s shying away from you and hanging out with her friends more is that the relationship is smoothing out, less exciting and maybe a bit stale? Now, I’m not saying relationships have to be fireworks all the time, but she might be more interested if you spoke up some more. That means telling her how you feel. Let her know it bothers you that she walks away when you’re speaking (which IS rude) or that she makes plans with others than with you. Not only will YOU find out why she is acting like this, but SHE will find out that you don’t appreciate being put on the backburner. After you speak up to her, try speaking up at parties. Maybe she is hoping you will be more social. If you start coming out of your shell, then it might provide more opportunities for you to be social butterflies together.

Steve and Lynelle want to give you advice! They are always looking for good questions to answer, so pass on your drama, dating disasters, relationship woes and any problems that come your way. Write to them at steveandlynelle@heraldbulletin.com or send a letter to them at 1133 Jackson St., Anderson, IN 46016. Too frustrated to write? Call (765) 640-4863. Advice columnists Steve Dick and Lynelle Miller bring unique perspectives to your problems each Tuesday.