Dear Steve and Lynelle,

  I have a friend who just told me that she is a lesbian. She wants to tell her father, but he outwardly opposes homosexuals. My problem in all this? I have worked with this friend’s father longer than I have known this friend. In fact, he introduced us. Because I know her father, she asked me to break the news to him. I said I wouldn’t do it, that it wasn’t any of my business. I feel bad because I do want to support her. I have nothing against homosexuals. I have offered to be there when she tells him, but I definitely don’t think it’s my place to tell a co-worker his daughter is a lesbian, friend or no friend. My friend is now accusing me of being against lesbians. What do I do?

Steve: If your friend expects you to take this on yourself simply because you know her dad, she’s asking way too much. You were right to turn her down, and she ought to know you well enough than to accuse you of being against lesbians. If you were, it’s doubtful you’d be friends with her.

This is obviously a stressful issue with her, but maybe the news has to be broken at this time. Eventually it will when she never brings home boyfriends and never makes wedding plans. I’m not saying she should stay in the closet forever, but she needs to pick the time when she breaks the news. She’s probably taking advantage of your working relationship with her dad to get the deed done without doing it herself.

If you want to be with her when she makes the announcement, do so. You’ll have to ask how that will affect your working relationship with the father, who will wonder why you never told him and might hold it against you. Still, you have a friend in need.

As much as the closet door has been opened wider, there is still a lot of intolerance against gays. That’s why she’s so worried. So be there for her, but don’t do the work for her. She has to do that.

Lynelle: Coming out to family and friends is a big step, so for your friend to ask you to do this for her seems absolutely ridiculous, even if you do know her father.

I applaud you for offering your support, but I think it best to stay out of this particular situation. Steve’s right. Being there could put a damper on your professional relationship with this girl’s father, so even that could cause you to be in another conundrum you don’t want to be in. My advice is the same as Steve’s – be there for her, but don’t do the work.

Steve and Lynelle want to give you advice! They are always looking for good questions to answer, so pass on your drama, dating disasters, relationship woes and any problems that come your way. Write to them at steveandlynelle@heraldbulletin.com or send a letter to them at 1133 Jackson St., Anderson, IN 46016. Too frustrated to write? Call (765) 640-4863. Advice columnists Steve Dick and Lynelle Miller bring unique perspectives to your problems each Tuesday.