The Herald Bulletin

Morning Update


September 28, 2013

Theresa Timmons: Roundabout distress creates need for support group


"Oh look, there's Walmart," I say.

"Oh look, there's Walmart," I say again.

"Oh look, there's Walmart...."

I understand four-way stops. They are all about rules. Who got there first, who is on the right, or who has good manners.

A roundabout is about survival of the fittest. Who has better auto insurance? Who didn't take their Prozac for breakfast? And who wanted to be a NASCAR driver? You have no friends in a roundabout. You meet nicer people in Anger Management Class or in a PMS support group. The roundabout is the whirling vortex of middle fingers (I counted 11), not very nice words (I am almost sure I saw a man mouth the words "go ahead, make my day"), and what appears to be demon possession.

I have decided to GPS my route to Noblesville. With a roundabout filter. I'll drive the extra miles.

Cause I just wanna go to Walmart.

I just wanna go to Walmart.

I just wanna go to Walmart.

Theresa Timmons' column appears every first and third Sunday . She is an Elwood resident and can be reached at

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