The Herald Bulletin

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Columns

February 15, 2013

Verna Davis: Internet reports may not be as reliable as Bible

A little warning is needed before you read another word. You know that commercial airing all over every TV station so monotonously? You know, the one declaring that everything on the Internet is true? Remember that before you continue, and know that the fault is the Internet, not mine.

It seems that a woman in Louisiana was walking across the parking lot ready to report to work when what appeared to be “small brown balls” fell from the sky. Upon closer inspection, the woman discovered the brown blobs were really large clumps of tangled-up, squiggly worms. Thinking she might be imagining things, she pulled out her cellphone and began taking pictures. The woman felt better when a co-worker confirmed that the parking lot was littered with slithering blobs of worms. But just in case, the woman’s co-worker took her own pictures, too.

It seems that the worms were sucked into a water spout that had formed over nearby Lacassine Bay. Centrifugal force and gravity took over and the swirled worms were hurled free of the spout and fell from the sky on the unsuspecting parking lot.

I know it’s true that worms can fall from the sky, because, after all, it was on the Internet, and we know that everything on the Internet is true. And speaking of things coming down from above:

The Internet has also reported that a couple in Washington state were celebrating their first wedding anniversary. They had dined at a favorite steakhouse restaurant and were taking a leisurely drive home when a 600-pound cow dropped out a clear blue sky and landed on the hood of their car. (I wonder if they wondered if this happened because of some twisted bovine retribution for the couple’s recent consumption of the daily special at that certain steak house!)

Anyway, it was reported that the police came, euthanized the badly injured cow and congratulated the fortunately uninjured couple and sent them on their way, assuring them there would be no charges filed against the couple. (The Internet didn’t say, but I suspect the car had to be euthanized, too.)

After some investigation, no doubt made possible by Washington taxpayers, it was determined that the cow had “run away from home” and wandered to a cliff about five miles from home. No one knows what the cow was thinking — she made no death-bed confessions — but the cow jumped over the cliff. Perhaps she missed home, perhaps she was suicidal, perhaps she mistook the cliff for the moon, or perhaps it’s true what my grandpa used to say: “Cows are stupid.”

Whatever the reason, I know it’s true that cows can fall from the sky, because, after all, it was on the Internet, and we know that everything on the Internet is true. And speaking of things coming down from above ... James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

I know that gifts can fall from the sky, because, after all, it’s in the Bible, and we know that everything in the Bible is true.

Verna Davis, author and speaker, writes in Frankton. She can be reached at Vrdspeaks@yahoo.com.

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