The Herald Bulletin

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May 24, 2013

Verna Davis: Imagine being in charge

If I were in charge of the world, I would run things a bit differently. I would make sure that under-eye make-up concealers would really conceal the bags under my eyes. I would make my cheeks blush only where I want them to, my lipstick would never wear off, and my mascara flake off. I would make my eyes do their own bifocaling so I would no longer need glasses. And that’s just to take care of my face!

If I were in charge of the world, I would make sure that creme-filled doughnuts would have no calories and Brussel sprouts would be bad for your heart. I would declare that milk would never sour in the refrigerator and butter would always melt on your pancakes. And that’s just to take care of things till supper!

If I were in charge of the world, I would decree that weeds would self-destruct before they break through the ground, that grass never grows taller than the blade of my lawn mower yet never turns brittle or hard or brown. I would make tulips and lilacs and daffodils bloom all summer long. And that’s just to take care of my yard!

If I were in charge of the world, I would make extra large, extra soft flannel jammies become the epitome of elegant evening wear. Clothes would never shrink in the dryer (or even after a calorie-laden meal or two). I would declare ironing out of date, as wrinkles would now be high fashion. I would make all shoes, even those dressy little numbers with narrow straps and high heels, be as comfortable as last season’s tennis shoes. And that’s just to take care of my closet!

If I were in charge of the world, I would program my husband to periodically inquire on any car trip of over five miles, “How about stopping at that cute little quilt shop you like so much? After an hour or two of shopping, we could relax over a cup of flavored coffee, OK?” I would program all teenagers to ask, three times a day, “What else can I do to help you, Mom?” I would make glasses, keys, cell phones, remote controls, and shoes holler out, “Here I am!” when I go to find them. I would make a sense of humor more desirable than a trim figure. I would make snakes extinct. Poison ivy would no longer be poisonous, and I would make it mandatory that all grocery never charge more than a nickel for candy bars and packs of gum. And that’s just to take care of little old me!

If I were in charge of the world, I would make sure that everyone  in the church loved each other deeply. Arguments over music (or the sermon or VBS or any other churchified quarrel) would magically disintegrate before the first syllable is spoken. I would make sure women never again engaged in a battle of who reigns supreme in the kitchen or nursery. I would make the preacher’s sermons be theologically sound, intellectually stimulating, and sufficiently humorous to keep my attention, yet never last more than the obligatory 20 minutes. And that’s just to take care of my church!

If I were in charge of the world, well ... it is presumptuous of me to think I could make or manage anything better than God. Incidentally, it would be just as presumptuous for you to imagine yourself in charge of the world, too.

In other words, we are not in charge. God is. Because God is God. We are not. Get over it, already.

Verna Davis, author and speaker, writes in Frankton. She can be reached at Vrdspeaks@yahoo.com

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