By Heather Bremer
For The Herald Bulletin
People magazine named its 2012 Sexiest Man Alive on Wednesday.
Surprisingly, it was not the most overglorified backup quarterback in the National Football League, the late-of-the-Broncos and mess-of-the-Jets Tim Tebow. One would have thought the footage of him running in the rain shirtless would have shored that up nicely.
But apparently you had to bare a bit more skin to be bestowed with the title this year. Scratch that — a lot more skin.
People’s choice for 2012 nearly bared everything in the “Showgirls” movie for girls, “Magic Mike.”
Yes, that’s right. The man who dethroned last year’s hottie, Bradley Cooper, is Channing Tatum.
The same Channing Tatum whose performance in 2009’s “G.I. Joe” film left such a stench on the franchise that the studio felt it necessary to hire Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to take over the lead role and reportedly kill off most of the rest of the characters for next summer’s sequel.
The same Channing Tatum who absolutely ruined every memory I have of the television series “21 Jump Street.”
But I digress. As you can surmise, Tatum would not have been my choice. And it’s good to point out that People’s choice shouldn’t necessarily be confused with the people’s choice.
Following Wednesday’s announcement, the Internet was afire with debate about Tatum’s selection. Some women, all of whom probably saw or wanted to see “Magic Mike,” were thrilled by the choice. Others said things like, “Well, I don’t like looking at his face ... but that bod. Now, that’s some eye candy.” And a few were even in my camp as adamantly opposed to the entire notion that Tatum could be considered sexy.
Especially when you consider the competition.
Let’s start with one of the stars of this weekend’s big movie, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 2.” Fortunately, this is the last time those of us who do not want their vampires to sparkle will be subjected to this movie franchise. But a nice byproduct has been Taylor Lautner’s ascent to stardom.
Tatum is also beat out by the star of another 2012 movie inspired by a young-adult book series. Who could resist the eyes of Liam Hemsworth, one of two love interests for Katniss in “The Hunger Games”?
And there’s always the stars of this summer’s superhero films to consider. Andrew Garfield of “The Amazing Spider-Man” is super sexy in that nerdy, good guy way. Christian Bale of “The Dark Knight Rises” has that whole bad boy, selfless sacrifice thing going on. And take your pick from the cast of “The Avengers” — the all-American Chris Evans, the stunning blue eyes of Jeremy Renner, the hulking adorableness of Mark Ruffalo or the quirky, goateed goodness of Robert Downey Jr.
It’s the missing member of that team, however, who gets my vote. Chris Hemsworth, brother of Liam and wielder of the mighty Mjolnir as Thor, is without a doubt the Sexiest Man Alive. His shirtless scene in “Thor” puts him in the contest. The Australian accent gives him the lead. And the widely circulated picture of Chris holding his tiny baby daughter seals the win.
I demand a recount!
Contact Heather Bremer at firstname.lastname@example.org.