By Gwen Strough
August 08, 2008 08:31 am
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In January of 1991, Janice Summers and her husband, Dewey, had already raised two sons. In her mid-forties and working as quality control supervisor for a local company, she never dreamed her life could change so quickly. Ten months later, the Summers’ daughter-in-law, Julie, lost her battle with cervical cancer. Suddenly, Janice and Dewey became full time parents again.
Aimee was 1 1/2 years old and her sister, Jordan, was 3 1/2 when they went to live with their grandparents. Now, at 17 and 19, they still reside with Janice and Dewey just outside Pendleton.
Last week, Aimee and her grandmother talked about their relationship and how it has shaped their lives.
“Being raised by my grandparents has affected my life in a lot of ways. I realize that there are some things I’ve missed out on,” said Aimee. “I never got to look forward to going to visit my grandparents’ house and being spoiled by them because I live with them,” she laughed.
“And, things like celebrating Grandparents Day each year in grade school,” she continued, “Every day is Grandparents Day for me.”
Janice said she and her husband debated whether or not she should quit her job and stay home to raise the grandchildren. Dewey said, “We’re always going to need money, but the kids aren’t always going to be little.” She agreed, and has been home with them ever since.
Their home is a positive environment, according to Aimee, who noted that her grandparents are disciplinarians. Janice confirmed that there have been visits to the “time out corner” and an occasional spanking over the years, and both girls helped with chores.
It is a close relationship even though there is a missing generation. Aimee said she enjoys learning from her grandmother and was noticeably proud of the colorful jars of green beans, apple butter and pickled corn that she learned to preserve under Janice’s tutelage. “I’ve experienced things I wish other kids could, too,” she remarked.
Time has passed quickly, said Janice, adding that some things are easier the second time around. “You have your own children. You look back and see some mistakes you made. You try not to make them again,” she laughed.
“What I’d say to other grandparents is this: If you’re in it for the long haul, don’t sweat the small stuff. Teach them what’s right and wrong. And, show them that you love them. That’s the main thing,” she explained.
Being raised by grandparents often causes children to be more mature than their age, Janice said, citing an example. “I didn’t feel like going to the mall and walking around for hours. I tried to teach them to be happy with themselves and to entertain themselves.
“You’re not always going to have money to shop or find outside entertainment. Learn to read, learn to think, learn to do, rather than just going to the mall,” she told them.
In raising her granddaughters, Janice handled the all-important talks about drugs and sex early. “Things have changed. Kids today see everything on T.V. I wanted the girls to know that there’s a difference between love and sex,” she explained.
Aimee said she admires her grandparents’ 47-year marriage and hopes for the same type of relationship someday. But, first her sights are set on a career, possibly in the medical field.
“My grandparents have always been very supportive of what I want to do,” she said. “That’s the main thing. You need to be supportive. At times it can be really hard. My grandparents have been there for me in the worst of times and the best.”
About the newly-formed grandparents club/support group which will begin meeting at the library this month, Janice said it will be a good thing for grandparents who find themselves faced with raising their grandchildren. She feels she could have benefited from such a group. “I was so filled with self doubt,” she said. “I didn’t have anyone to talk to ... words of encouragement ... advice about to handle certain situations. Even though you’ve raised your own children, you’ve forgotten some things.”
Janice remembers sitting at her daughter-in-law’s bedside and asking what she wanted for her children. “I want you and Dewey to raise them. I want them to know God. I want them to go to college,” Julie answered.
“I’m so thankful that I can talk to God,” Janice remarked last week. “I hope all grandparents can take their grandchildren to church.”
The relationship between the grandparents and their granddaughters continues to grow stronger. Recently, Aimee, who usually addresses Janice as “Nana” caught herself addressing her as “Mom” for the first time.
“I was completely shocked,” Aimee said. “It was like a step back in time.”
“They’ve brought me so much joy,” Janice said of both her granddaughters. “Just watching them turn into people. I can’t tell you the joy they’ve brought to my life.”
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