ANDERSON — Burglars should steer clear of comedian Jeff Allen’s house in Tennessee.

Thieves certainly wouldn’t want to confront Allen’s wife of 33 years, Tami.

“Especially if you track mud on her floor,” Allen said during a recent phone interview.

“Were you raised with no manners? That’s what she’d say. I can hear her. Didn’t your mother teach you to wipe your feet before you come into a home?” he laughed.

Allen is the featured act for the fifth Stand Up for Kids comedy fundraiser benefiting Kids Talk. The event is set for 8 p.m. on Saturday, Sept. 7, at the Paramount Theatre, 1124 Meridian Plaza, Anderson.

Allen has been through Anderson previously; he has relatives living in the area and he held an autograph signing for one of his eight comedy DVDs at the Gaither studios in Alexandria.

This visit, he’ll present his “The America I Grew Up In” tour.

“If you remember Bactine and Mercurochrome you’re gonna love the show,” he said.

He has joked about his youth during an age when not every outdoor kid was lathered with protective sunscreen.

“We had sweat and dirt instead,” he laughed.

Much of his comedy centers on raising two children.

He once tried to sneak son Ryan, then about 4, onto a free sit-on-the-lap seat for an airplane ride.

“I used to haul everybody with me on the road until school started,” he recalled. “I had him hanging under a trench coat. His feet were sticking out. He’s a big kid. I got him down to Kansas City but coming back the lady said, ‘How old is this boy?’ I said 2. She said, ‘C’mon.’ … They made me pay.”

Show to benefit Kids Talk

Kids Talk provides a safe place where children can discuss and report sexual or physical abuse, neglect or violence. Last year, 204 reports of abuse were generated; 527 children were served by Kids Talk.

This year’s event includes a pre-show gala in the Paramount Ballroom with hors d’oeuvres and local celebrities taking their hand at comedy. When that finishes, attendees will head to the main auditorium at the Paramount Theatre for Allen’s show.

Or you can just see Allen’s show, which is $25 for general admission and $35 for mezzanine seats. Tickets can be purchased through funny4kids.org.

Last year’s event raised $42,000 for Kids Talk which has served about 2,800 children since opening five years ago.

“Obviously fundraisers are really important for nonprofits. For us, we like to have something that’s fun because the topic we deal with is so serious,” Kids Talk Director Denise Valdez said.

“What I like about him is that he is so funny but he’s clean. So many comics today are not clean at all — filthy mouths, filthy topics. Jeff’s not like that at all.”

“And I think he’s appealing to people of all ages, which I think makes him really special,” Valdez said.

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